A Critical Disposition on the Works of Huey Lewis and The News

...brought to us by noted critic Patrick Bateman:



American Psycho is a wonderful movie and occupies a place of honor next to Point Break.

By the way, I am posting this at the request of Sack Lunch. This request brings up a few salient points:

1--The Lion/Buffalo/Crocodile vid (here) was, like my 5th grade school play, enjoyed by all, but its relevance was questioned by Sack and Potsy, as there was no real rock content. My answer to that is, if those two would get off their asses and post entertaining material on this blog (and no, cutting and pasting multiple paragraphs from Wikipedia doesn't count), I wouldn't have to work overtime finding such entertaining gems like the Berries and Cream Remix, or the Humanzee, or the picture of Amy Winehouse and Her Missing Teeth. Jumbo Slice does his part but frankly, you two have sucked at our teat for too long. So long that my teat is now chafed, red and sore.

Total fucking silence, pal. Well, two can play that game.

2--Sack Lunch requested I post this vid because he can't figure out how to post it on his own. Other technical things that befuddle Sack Lunch are (1) posting pictures on this blog, and (2) using the "Reply All" function in Hotmail. No wonder the Russians are kicking our fucking asses.

Get.....outttt...

King of the Jungle, My Ass

This vid is long (8:23) but worth it. It involves the following:

1--Dumb-assed group of Cape Buffalo stumbling onto some lions at a watering hole
2--Lion attack
3--A crocodile gets involved

and

4--Buffalo counterattack

Enjoy!

Who's Coming?

Special Who's Coming post this time. I have divided this post into three parts, with the party of the first part representing shows in our regular venues, part two representing the Fort Reno shows, and part the third detailing the lineup at the Pitchfork Festival in Chicago, at which all four members of Rock Club will be attending.

Okay, Part I. Not too much to shout about here. We'll be attending Black Rebel Motorcycle Club this Saturday. I listened to the new album a few times on my way back and forth to the beach over Memorial Day and I think it's just average, but I've seen them twice and they're good live. The Long Blondes on June 7 may be interesting. Also of note are The Veils at DC9 on June 11, this seems to be a case of an overly-big band in a too-small venue. If you enjoy the sound of many retarded children singing in unison, the Polyphonic Spree will be at the 9:30 on June 30. Miserable Morrissey on July 2 at Wolf Trap, I'm bringing my pregnant-assed wife and packing a picnic for that one. Also, I have been roundly denounced as a big fag for liking the Fiery Furnaces, but I still think they're good, and I want to go see them at the Black Cat on July 5.

Also, whichever dirty, greedy hippy is booking shows for the Birchmere and the State should be strapped between two diesel trucks by Rutger Hauer, like he did to that broad in The Hitcher. Never have I seen a more consistent lineup of crap adult contemporary bands, at such inflated prices. Consistently, month in, month out.

Date		Venue		Band
6/2/2007		9:30		Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
6/7/2007		RNRH		Long Blondes
6/8/2007		RNRH		The Horrors
6/11/2007		DC9		The Veils
6/13/2007		RNRH		Heartless Bastards w/Earl Greyhound
6/13/2007		9:30		Feist w/Grizzly Bear
6/30/2007		9:30		Polyphonic Spree
7/2/2007		Wolf Trap		Morrissey
7/5/2007		Black Cat		Fiery Furnaces
7/7/2007		Galaxy Hut		Fake Accents
7/8/2007		RNRH		Mooney Suzuki
7/14/2007		Merr. Post		Decembrists w/Balt Symphony Orch
8/21/2007		Black Cat		Wolf Parade

Okay, Part II, Fort Reno. I recognize like, one band in this whole list.

Date		Venue		Band
6/15/2007		Ft. Reno		Mass Movement of the Moth, Deleted Scenes, Boom Orangutans
6/21/2007		Ft. Reno		Hard Tomorrows, Let's French, Mirror Script
6/25/2007		Ft. Reno		LeJeune, Pup Tent, Engine Room
6/28/2007		Ft. Reno		Mess Up The Mess, The Sentiment, Julie Ocean
7/2/2007		Ft. Reno		The Evens, Joe Lally
7/5/2007		Ft. Reno		Max Levine Ensemble, Five Four, Sonic Survivor
7/9/2007		Ft. Reno		Greenland, Statehood, Kitty Hawk
7/12/2007		Ft. Reno		Mary Timony, Medications, Charm Offensive
7/16/2007		Ft. Reno		The Caribbean, Len Bias, The Ardennes
7/19/2007		Ft. Reno		Beauty Pill, Carol Bui, The Alphabetical Order
7/23/2007		Ft. Reno		Meredith Bragg, The Andalusians
7/26/2007		Ft. Reno		Antelope, The Omega Band, Scanner Freaks
7/30/2007		Ft. Reno		Lady In The Radiator
8/2/2007		Ft. Reno		The Aquarium, Benjy Ferree, Yell County
8/6/2007		Ft. Reno		Shapes Not Sounds, Problems
8/9/2007		Ft. Reno		Brandon Butler, Baby Killer Estelle
8/13/2007		Ft. Reno		Perfect Souvenir
8/16/2007		Ft. Reno		Edie Sedgewick, Hentai

And Part III, Pitchfork. Should be pretty boss.

Date		Venue		Band
7/13/2007		Pitchfork		Sonic Youth
7/13/2007		Pitchfork		GZA/Genius
7/13/2007		Pitchfork		Slint
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Yoko Ono
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Cat Power
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Clipse
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Mastadon
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Iron and Wine
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Battles
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Grizzly Bear
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Voxtrot
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Califone
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Twilight Sad
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Girl Talk
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Dan Deacon
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Oxford Collapse
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Professor Murder
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Fujiya & Miyagi
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		Beach House
7/14/2007		Pitchfork		William Parker Quartet
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		De La Soul
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		New Pornographers
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Of Montreal
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Stephen Malkmus
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Jamie Lidell
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		The Sea and Cake
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Junior Boys
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Menomena
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		The Ponys
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Deerhunter
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Klaxons
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		The Field
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Cadence Weapon
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		The Cool Kids
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Nomo
7/15/2007		Pitchfork		Brightblack Morning Light

Revenge Is Best Served With Black Beans, Salsa, and a Dollop of Sour Cream

Jesus, again with the Chivas?

I hope the weather will be better this time around.

Rock Club Cinema -- Must Miss

I don't like to link to Pitchfork, not because I have anything against them, but just because most people probably read that site anyway, so my linking to them doesn't really add anything to anybody's lives.

I did see this, however--Elijah Wood will portray Iggy Pop in The Passenger, a movie about the early years of Iggy and The Stooges.

I know I'm in the minority here but I thought Lord of The Rings Parts 1 Through 483 was gay as shit and if any of you D&D freaks want to fight me for that, bring it on, but let me warn you that your spells and 23-sided dies won't stand a chance against my savage sack punches.

I nearly rented Green Street Hooligans just to see Elijah Wood's character get a kicking from some Milwall fans. Then I thought better of it.

A better choice for the role of Iggy Pop would have been Anthony Kiedis. Not only does he resemble Iggy Pop, but he also won an Oscar for his unforgettable role as "Friend of Warchild" in the seminal 1991 film Point Break.

That Would Be A Waste of Time, Elijah

Or better yet, just skip The Passenger altogether, and rent Passenger 57, with Wesley Snipes.

DC Rock Club: Always Betting on Black

Rock Club Cinema -- Watch This Space

There's a new movie debuting at the Cannes Film Festival about Joy Division. All the actors are unknowns--the Ian Curtis character was working in a laundry before he caught the break. New Order gave it the thumbs up:

Last night, amid rumours and counter-rumours that they had split, the three remaining members of New Order, to which Joy Division changed its name after Curtis's death, flew in to support the film. According to Corbijn, "New Order hardly agree on anything, but all agree that they love the film."

I hope this will be shown in a theater somewhere in DC--maybe the E St joint? If not, we'll catch it on DVD. Remember, in addition to being legendary post-punk pioneers, Joy Division are also 2006 Thorkelson Award winners.


UPDATE: I am a twat. The name of the movie is, fittingly enough, Control. Also, I could have sworn I included a link to the original article. Anyway, it's now linked (above) and if you missed it, here it is again: link.

Guitars and the Guitarists Who Love Them

It's time for a list-style post. Lists are what drive society these days. Everybody loves lists. If Hitler had just renamed World War II as "The Top 6 Million People I'd Like To Kill," and televised it on VH1, history would have turned out differently. So here's a list of different types of guitars that rock people can sport, and what their choices say about them.

1) Flying V

The Flying V is a wise choice. You see a guy with a Flying V, and you know you're in for some epic solos. Guys who play the Flying V tend to jog around the stage, which is also cool, but works better with a big stage. Here is uber-rocker Michael Schenker with a Flying V. Das ist gut!

Flying V uber alles

A close cousin of the Flying V is something I call the modified parallelogram. This is a somewhat safer choice for beginners who cannot rock hard enough to pull off the Flying V. Also suitable for rhythm guitarists.



2) Retro

Usually a Rickenbacker, or some rockabilly-type thing. Fashionable, but beware: I have seen bands with retro guitars, perfect mod-style clothes, and great haircuts, who fucking sucked bad. Image is not everything, despite what Iranian-American/Brooke Shields Divorcer/Tennis Superstar Andre Agassi might have told you. Here's the Godfather himself with one:

3) Double Neck

Aww yeah. Double Necks are for virtuosos only, man. No amateurs need apply. If you're Jimmy Page, you use a violin bow for your solos:

Too Much Rock For Just One Neck

4) Triple/Quadruple/Quintuple/n-tuple Necks

See, now you're just gilding the lily. Two necks weren't enough for you? Here's Chris Squire from Yes, with a triple neck. Compare to Page. This is why Led Zeppelin are Norsemen heavy metal raiders who rape and pillage, and Yes are, well, Yes:

Yes...I am a douche

5) Small, Square Guitars

It was hard as shit to find a picture of this style but I'm sure everyone knows what I'm talking about here. It's a regular-sized guitar, only the area where the pickups are is really small. It looks super-gay. Here are some people who would play one of these: Clarence Clemons, the bass player for Dan Fogelberg's back-up band, the guitarist for Arsenio Hall's house band. As it is, I could only find a picture of Neil Schon--you may remember him from the supergroup HSAS, which stood for Hagar-Schon-Aaronson-Shrieve. To the best of my memory that was the only band he was in, and they broke up because he insisted on playing the small guitar:

Neil, Go Your Separate Ways From the Small, Square Guitar

6) Keytar

I can go either way on the keytar. Actually, no, I'm pretty consistent on this one--if you're not Devo, avoid the keytar. Even Jimi Hendrix used the keytar. He died shortly after this picture was taken. The medical examiner said that he choked on his keytar in the bathtub:

Are You Experienced (With the Keytar)?

Dude, go easy, my health insurance doesn't cover melting face!

Note that pigmentally-challenged 1970s superstar Edgar Winter does not technically play a keytar. It's just a synth with a strap, worn around his neck. Dumb fucking albino, I'm gonna lock you in a tanning bed until you promise not to play this anymore:


And there you have it. Did I miss anything? Perhaps we should cover other instruments, and thus create more lists, because LISTS ARE IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO READ.

Imitation/Flattery

Is imitation the highest form of flattery? Or is it just stealing?

Very often when listening to a song you hear something familiar flashing by. Having never played a musical instrument, I lack the vocabulary to describe what I'm hearing (is it a lick, a chord sequence, an arpeggio, a bridge? I dunno). But like the Supreme Court and obscenity, I know it when I hear it. And believe me, I am skilled in spotting obscenity. Sometimes I go out of my way to find it.

But I digress. My point is, I may not know how to express it, but I've listened to a lot of music and I think I'm pretty good at recognizing portions of songs that are "borrowed." I can see how some people can get bent out of shape about it, but music is inherently collaborative and everybody borrows from everyone else.

One interesting point raised by this whole issue is, to what degree should songs borrow from one another? If it's just a little bit, there's really no point to it. I read somewhere that one problem with Rush is, they're all such great musicians that they were too proud to borrow from their influences (Led Zeppelin, ELP, King Crimson, etc) and as such were always fated to be, at their best, just above average. Whereas, someone like Oasis steals from the Beatles, Paul Weller and the Kinks, and makes no bones about it, and it sounds great.

Plus also, Rush is Canadian, so a certain level of mediocrity is in their DNA, and they'll never get past that.

Anyway, I bring it up because at the LCD Soundsystem show on Sunday night the live version of "All My Friends" fucking killed. As I was freaking out and gyrating my nether regions to the beat, I thought I caught a little bit of "Run" by New Order. It's not so obvious but I can hear it a little bit, and I think a band like LCD Soundsystem probably listened to a lot of New Order back in the day. Anyway, you be the judge, here's both for your listening/viewing pleasure:

New Order, Run:



LCD Soundsystem, All My Friends:

The Old School Tie

Two members of Rock Club are alumni of the College of William and Mary, so this news item is appropo:

A Virginia cafe owner has received death threats after rock bands My Chemical Romance and Muse got salmonella food poisoning at his restaurant. Welcome to the brown parade!

After a gig at the nearby College of William and Mary on April 28, the bands stopped for a bite at Glenn Gormley's Green Leafe Cafe. Shortly afterwards, the musicians (and other patrons) got sick, which forced MCR and Muse to cancel several dates on their tour. Since then, Gormley says angry My Chemical Romance fans have been leaving him death threats. Holy crap! While the Health Department is investigating the situation, Gormley won't go into details of the threats.

According to the CDC, most persons infected with salmonella develop diarrhea, fever and abdominal cramps 12 to 72 hours after infection. The good news is that the illness usually lasts only 4 to 7 days, and most persons recover without treatment.

Ah, the Green Leafe, with the superfluous "e" at the end, all colonial olde-style. Sacklunch and I spent many a romantic evening there. I have read that Thorkelson-award winners Muse are heavy into the whole "9-11 Was An Inside Job" thing, so the question must be raised here, as to why didn't 4000 Jews show up for dinner at the Green Leafe that night? Huh? Huh? And don't get me started on the Masons, either.

Big In Japan

As we bide our time until the LCD Soundsystem show on Sunday, I thought I'd post some filler, something to entertain our vast audience.

As many of you know, I've long been fascinated with the possibility of creating a chimp/human hybrid, a "humanzee", if you will. The day is fast approaching where science can make this happen. In the year 2020, all children will have a humanzee companion, who will fend off sexual predators, and drive them (the children, not the pedophiles) to soccer practice.

Anyway, here's the story of Oliver, considered the world's first humanzee. Also, dig this, from Wikipedia:

One [humanzee] claim was that a common chimpanzee was impregnated by human sperm in a laboratory in China, but was killed by a mob before giving birth during the Chinese Cultural Revolution in the 1960s. A similar story, reported by University at Albany psychologist Gordon Gallup, alleged that a human-chimp hybrid was successfully engendered and born at the old Yerkes National Primate Research Center in Orange Park, Florida in the 1920s, but was destroyed by the scientists soon after.

Leave it to the Chinese Communists to spoil a good thing. Here is some Oliver footage:



Okay, how is this rock-related, you ask? Answer: (1) Oliver was/is "Big In Japan" and sources say he inspired the Alphaville song of the same title, and (2) "Humanzee" would be an excellent name for a rock group, or maybe just an album.

They Tried To Make Me Go To The Dentist, I Said No, No, No

Amy Winehouse, from The Big Book of British Smiles:

I'm Glad I Didn't Leave the Onion Thing Any Earlier Than I Did

Not to overshadow Jumbo Slice's excellent Dismemberment Plan review, but I happened upon this scene on my way home last night. Video courtesy of Channel 7. Watch as one local bystander confidently asserts that the driver was going "120 mph". I don't know about that but he must have been cruising because he flipped his damn car upside down and landed in the middle of Grant Circle. Here's a link to video, I can't seem to embed it, but here's a screenshot of the vid:


I got there afterwards, obviously. Glad I missed the actual event.

And Even More LCD Soundsystem

By way of Franz Ferdinand. The Scottish bagpipe specialists covered LCD Soundsystem's "All My Friends." It's on LCD Soundsystem's MySpace page, I can't figure out a way to link to it directly but it's one of the selections under their media player. Like peanut butter and chocolate, or berries and cream, Franz Ferdinand and LCD Soundsystem are two great tastes that go together great.

More LCD Soundsystem

LCD Soundsystem, "All My Friends" video.

This is part of my continuing effort to post shit while you numbnuts sit around doing nothing, adding nothing, writing nothing. That's right--save all your best stuff for e-mails.

Dismemberment Plan, Part The First

Dismemberment Plan
Black Cat, April 27 2007

I say, Part The First, because I know other Rock Club members will be weighing in on this show. The Dismemberment Plan show at Black Cat last night was not an official Rock Club show as our bylaws specify, one show per week, and we already saw Spoon last Saturday. So this show will get a Roger Maris-style asterisk in the archives.

It is Saturday morning and as I sit here, waiting for the NFL Draft to begin, and waiting for my favorite team, the Oakland Raiders, to once again ruin some poor young man's life, I wanted to jot down a few observations, or "musings", from last night:

1) More Celebrity Lookalikes: this one's a mash-up. Let me grab The Transmogrifier and see what it spits out:

(1) Take four ml of Morrissey (use an eyedropper),

(2) Add six gallons of Chandler Bing,

(3) Bake in Transmogrifier for eight hrs at 350 degrees


(4) Season well before consuming

2) Inside Baseball, part 1: the Dismemberment Plan is pretty much the only band that Rock Club members know personally, due to us and them being local suburbanites. It is to our advantage for them to become bigger than Jesus so that in 30 years we can say something along the lines of, "What, John Lennon? I used to beat that little shit up in PE Class!" It's nice to bask in reflected glory as it requires no effort from us. Anyway, Eric Axelson came by and said hello to us while we were out front smoking a cigarette. Nothing extraordinary there except he used the word "merch" for "merchandise", and I wanted to accuse him of going all Hollywood. We can't make the charge, however, because it was for charity and he was trying to move product to benefit little Callum Roberts.

3) Inside Baseball, part 2: again, not to be a cheesedick here, but in the same conversation, Eric was talking about the second show on Saturday night and asked us if we would come early to watch the DC United game beforehand. We Rock Clubbers were talking about this later and someone said that they thought he was joking, and I said no, dude loves DC United, and I brought up this anecdote. I was living in New York going to graduate school and, being a DC United fan myself (see Mexican Footballers--Threat, or Menace?) I would watch them on MSG whenever they played the Metrostars. Anyway, long story short, I was watching the game, and they did a crowd shot of the traveling DC fans, and whoa, there's the suspended Christian Gomez, in with the fans, banging a drum. And wait, there's Axelson, next to him, banging the drum. With his shirt off, no less. It kind of blew my mind.

What, Berries and Cream Wasn't Good Enough?

Okay, Sacklunch pooh-poohed the berries and cream video. Fine. Fair enough. I may remind him that the only reason I'm posting this shit is to fill space while we wait the interminable wait for him the write and post the Spoon review.

Anyway, here's something I found on the excellent sports blog, Kissing Suzy Kolber, featuring lions versus hyenas.

The lion is called king of the jungle, but it's a little known fact the hyenas can and often do chase away lions from a kill. A group of determined hyenas are worse than a highly-trained, highly-educated group of civil rights lawyers. You think you own shit and run shit, and it turns out you don't. Also, people diss the male lion for being a lazy sack, but as you'll see from this vid, he occasionally rouses himself for the purposes of ass-kicking. Observe:

Berries and Cream

I enjoy this commercial. Truly we live in the golden age of media. First the original:



And then the remix:

Who's Coming?

Who's coming, you ask? Rock's coming, spewing its hot, hard-driving spunk all over the waiting face of the Washington DC metropolitan area. Fetch the fluffer--Rock is ready to go again.

Some highlights:

--Kristin Hersh, Iota, April 26: former Throwing Muses singer in a small venue, could be cool.
--Dr Feelgood, Jaxx, April 27: Motley Crue cover band. A good reason to finally visit Jaxx.
--Peter Bjorn and John, 9:30, April 30: more Swedish cultural imperialism.
--Chris Barron, Velvet Lounge, May 11: who, you ask? This guy:

Okay, this is the best pic I could find, so I'll just tell you: it's the goofy looking guy from the Spin Doctors

--Arctic Monkeys w/Be Your Own Pet, 9:30, May 16: I'll go to this one just to throw shit at Be Your Own Pet. I am publicly challenging their Gabe Kaplan bass player to a fight. Fucking pussbag.
--Huey Lewis and the News, Wolf Trap, May 31: Perhaps this man will be in attendance.

Patrick Bateman

--Long Blondes, Rock and Roll Hotel, June 7: I still maintain that this band will be huge, driven by the adoration of the My So-Called Life crowd.
--Asia, Birchmere, June 26: original lineup.
--Morrissey, Wolf Trap, July 2: Miserable Morrissey, as Weasel used to call him. What better way to celebrate the 231st birthday of our optimistic, forward-looking country, than by listening to this mope?

Date		Venue		Band
4/25/2007		9:30		Wolfmother
4/26/2007		Iota		Kristin Hersh
4/27/2007		Black Cat		Dismemberment Plan
4/27/2007		Jaxx		Dr. Feelgood
4/28/2007		Black Cat		Dismemberment Plan
4/30/2007		9:30		Peter Bjorn and John
5/4/2007		Black Cat		Konono No. 1
5/8/2007		Black Cat		The Clientele
5/9/2007		9:30		Air
5/11/2007		Velvet Lounge		Chris Barron
5/13/2007		Black Cat		Sloan
5/13/2007		9:30		LCD Soundsystem
5/16/2007		9:30		Arctic Monkeys (w BYOP)
5/17/2007		Black Cat		Mando Diao
5/24/2007		Birchmere		English Beat
5/31/2007		Wolf Trap		Huey Lewis and the News
6/7/2007		RNRH		The Long Blondes
6/13/2007		RNRH		Heartless Bastards
6/26/2007		Birchmere		Asia
6/30/2007		Wolf Trap		Smothers Bros.
7/2/2007		Wolf Trap		Morrissey
8/18/2007		Jaxx		WASP

Just say, "Vandervelde Industries."

Richard Swift/David Vandervelde
April 19, 2007
Black Cat

Introducing POINT/COUNTERPOINT
With your hosts, JUMBO SLICE & JIMBROMSKI

JIMBROMSKI: With the Black Angels/Vietnam on April 5 and David Vandervelde last night, Rock Club's been on the hippie tip lately. The wavy gravy trifecta is now in play, as long as we catch the Grass Roots/Vanilla Fudge out at Wolf Trap next week. Vandervelde had a cool-sounding, high voice, along the lines of Jeff Buckley/Marc Bolan/Thom Yorke/Tiny Tim. It was a short set with a little too much jamming for my tastes. If I wanted real hippie goodness, I'd catch a Phish show. Get to the point, furballs. Sparse crowd as well--I was reminded of the movie Dig!, where The Brian Jonestown Massacre played the Cleveland Communist Party Headquarters, in front of one highly-committed comrade.

JUMBO SLICE: The Vandervelde set did seem short. Of course, he's only released one album with 8 songs on it, so he lacks the material to play for too long. Maybe that's why they launched into a few Jammy-Jams. Overall, I was pleased with the set. I found his album underwhelming. His music, like a lot of hippie stuff, is better live. I mean, who really buys Phish albums? I also like Vandervelde's singing voice and his banter was pretty funny ("Derek James on lead bongos"). Of course, the real star was the bassist. After the show, I enjoyed your debate w/ Potsy about who the bassist most resembled. Your doppelganger submission of Kevin Dillon in HBO's "Entourage" was the clear winner. You retain your belt as King of Look-Alikes. Congratulations.

Ersatz Drama

The Real Drama

JIMBROMSKI: Jumbo Slice, you ignorant slut. I disagree with two of your points. First, I think this guy sounds better in the studio than he did live. I know I've gone on about this before, but there's something fucked about the acoustics at the Black Cat. Everything--guitars, bass, vocals, percussion--gets washed out and overmodulated. This is a very un-rock thing to say but I think if they just lowered the volume a bit it would help. We don't need The Who/Live at Leeds treatment when there are only 30 people in the audience. Second, banter. I'm against it. A few comments here and there are okay, but after that, I don't want to hear it. Everyone thinks they're witty and insightful. I'm here to tell you, as a student of the human race, that most people are fucking boring and stupid, and rock stars are no exception. If you're going to do it, please give me a mic as well so I can shout amplified insults back at you. Additionally, do you remember the moment where Art Vandelay asked an audience member for a sip of his beer, and then kept the beer? Where I come from, that's an ass-whomping. I would have cracked his flower power skull like a Chicago cop in 1968, believe it.

JUMBO SLICE: While I agree there was no need to set the volume to eleven, I stand by my assessment that Art Vandelay is better live (even w/ the crap sound system). The album, "The Moonstation House Band", is flat. In contrast, Vandervelde, Kevin Dillon, and Zoot from the Muppets bashed out a spirited set, especially considering the piddling attendance. As for concert banter, I like it in moderation. No one wants to hear a political diatribe, but it's good when someone displays a little stage presence, builds a rapport with the audience. When I saw Ryan Adams at the 9:30 he didn't say a word to the audience the entire time. Didn't announce the songs, no hellos, no thank you's, nothing. He just tuned his guitar between each song. It was lame. You would have loved it.

Stillwaters Run Vandervelde

JIMBROMSKI: Okay, Jumbo Slice. In a way, we're both right, but in another, more accurate way, you're 100% wrong. Let's finish with Stillwater-lookalikes Chad Vanderslice, and move on to headliners Richard Swift. Picture yourself in front of a television in 1978, watching Saturday Night Live. The special musical guests come on. Since it's 1978, and you can't really remember things that far back in time, your recollection of the performance is cloudy. All you can remember is, the band looked like some sort of Rickie Lee Jones/Billy Joel/Bachman-Turner Overweight melange, and sang soulful, personal songs of love and loss, that sucked greatly. That's Richard Swift (or "Dick Swift", if you're his pal). Instead of Dick Swift, I would have preferred a spoken word performance from former NASCAR driver Dick Trickle, or ex-San Francisco Giants pitching coach Dick Pole, or maybe retired Congressman Dick Swett, or any other person with a funny name. In conclusion, I give The David Vandervelde Experience a 5.9 rating, and Richard Swift gets a 4.5.

Rep. Dick Swett (D-NH), performing w/The Singing Senators

JUMBO SLICE: You are correct: Dick Swift = Shitty 70's love songs. I was patient with young Richard for the first few songs and then I gave up. They sucked. It was hokey 70's lite rock. It was Tony & Dawn, Bread, or America. Is Richard Swift trying to bring back Yacht Rock made famous by Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald? If so, he must be stopped. Gentle drumming, semi-Beatle melodies and heart-tugging, sappy lyrics is not what I signed up for when I joined Rock Club. With this ass clown headlining the night it's easy to see why the crowd was almost non-existent. I'll close by pointing out his head is enormous. It is absolutely gigantic. David Vandervelde and the Moonstation House Band garner a Rock Club Rating of 6.8. Richard Swift sets a new low: 1.6.

More Celeb Lookalikes

Alex Maas, lead singer, The Black Angels

Jesco White, the Dancing Outlaw

More Black Angels/Jesco White goodness:

(1) Here's the video for the Black Angels' "First Vietnamese War." I actually confused this song with another one of their songs last night. It's a great song and was the final encore of the evening, which we missed due to Potsy and Jumbo Slice unilaterally making us leave the venue because of the late hour--definitely not one of Rock Club's finer moments. Decide for yourselves if we should have stuck around (3 min 37 sec):

(2) Here's a clip from Jesco's movie, The Dancing Outlaw (2 min 4 sec):