Long live rock, I need it every night

Friday, October 20, 2006

Who Is Rock Club?

We receive thousands of emails a week (and by "thousands" I mean zero) asking us "Who is Rock Club"? Here's a closer look at the four founding members of rock club.

Strengths: prognostications, the power to move you (applies only to the ladies)
Weaknesses: Sleeplessness, Letting Go
Favorite Band: Bang Bang Bang
Greatest Shame: Still asks for a Pony each Christmas
Person He Would Most Like to Meet: His father
Summary: The only unmarried member of Rock Club. Fails to acquaint himself with the local au pair community. This disappoints the rest of Rock Club tremendously.

Jumbo Slice
Strengths: Athletic Quickness, Useless indie rock trivia
Weaknesses: Mental Quickness, telling the truth
Favorite Band: French Toast
Greatest Shame: Wife notices his disturbing amount of "man crushes"
Person He Would Most Like to Meet: Says it's the Dalai Lama, but really it's anyone willling to listen to him rattle off obscure indie rock nonsense.
Summary: His Rock Club membership is tentative at best. Brings very little to the table. If we were the Beatles, he'd be Ringo.

Strengths: can make things magically delicious, spewing invective
Weaknesses: Spelling & Grammar, "Reply To All" button
Favorite Band: Jackson Browne
Greatest Shame: Let's just say there was an accident at his bris.
Person He would Most Like to Meet: The Rabbi from his bris
Summary: The founder and unofficial President of Rock Club. Voted "Most Likely to Tell Someone To Fuck Off".

Strengths: Spotting "That Guy", searching the interweb
Weaknesses: his ankles, scoring weed
Favorite Band: Skin Tight Band
Greatest Shame: An unabashed lover of British wuss rock. He also loves soccer, fish & chips, and the Queen. Yet he still claims to be an American.
Person He would Most Like to Meet: George Costanza
Summary: Rock Club's voice of reason. Responsible for our best ideas: Rock Club t-shirts, the clubhouse, and expelling Sacklunch. He doles out wisdom via Seinfeld quotes like a monk quoting Confucius.


Potsy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Potsy said...

A dog? And a fluffy one at that? C'mon. What did I ever do to you? I hate this kind of dog.

Jumbo Slice said...

You forgot to mention that the dog was incredibly ugly. Seriously, I was worried the pooch was a little harsh. Of course, the really mean part was suggesting you're a bastard child.

Jimbromski said...

Slater's lookin good

Potsy said...

Glad to see you are the blogger formerly known as Spry. Embrace your true identity Jumbo.