Long live rock, I need it every night

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Mexican Footballers--Threat, or Menace?

DC United vs Chivas de Guadalajara, Concacaf Champions Cup, 03/15/07
RFK Stadium

The latest Rock Club outing was a trip to RFK to see DC United face off against Chivas. It was cold as fuck and rainy too, so it felt like we were in England, circa 1985 or so, just laid off from our jobs at the mining pit, going to see Luton Town play Scunthorpe in 40 degree weather and pissing down rain. After the game we went to the chippy, then smashed up the pub.

RFK, 3/15/07

You may ask yourself, what, pray tell, does sports have to do with rock? I think the 1985 Chicago Bears conclusively answered that question with their hit single, "Super Bowl Shuffle," as well as with their rock-n-roll quarterback, Jim McMahon. Furthermore, MTV's "Rock-n-Jock" shows, where luminaries such as MC Hammer and Jose Canseco would play softball together, further cemented the relationship between rock, and sports. So, with that in mind, we found ourselves at RFK last week.

Jim McMahon (artist's representation)

Okay, so what about the game itself? Well, Chivas, thy name is fiasco. There was no chance of tailgating, as 3/4 of Rock Club arrived at RFK 10 minutes after kick-off. First, they were delayed by the presidential motorcade. Obviously, Bush was going crosstown to feast on black babies, or whip political prisoners, or somesuch. At least, this is what I learned from listening to The Thermals album. We all pretty much agreed that if Clinton snarled traffic, it would be due to a nookie run, and we would forgive him for it. Such is the leftward bias of Rock Club. Further delays were encountered as they drew closer to RFK, due to the deluge of Chivas fans from up and down the Eastern Seaboard (aka "Megalopolis") coming to the game.

Surprisingly enough, we only missed about five minutes of the game--I found out later kick-off was delayed for ten minutes, for reasons which are unknown to me. Chivas, in my opinion, dominated possession but didn't take very many shots. I was surprised that they were bigger than our guys. I guess I'm just conditioned by all the five feet-tall Guatemalans and Salvadorans in my neighborhood. Perhaps Mexicans eat more steak, who knows.

DC United's midfield was crap, Moreno is overweight and past it, and Gomez was marked out of the game. Luckily for DC, the first half ended 0-0.

It didn't stay that way, though, as Omar Bravo knocked a ball in off of Bryan Namoff's ass in minute 61 for a 1-0 Chivas lead. At this point, Jason quoted Joe Namath, saying that "...DC United is struggling...Christian Gomez is struggling...I wanna kiss you." See below:

After 90 minutes of flaciddity, DC's offense woke up as man-ape Ben Olsen somehow won a free kick right on the edge of the Chivas penalty area. At this point, I did something that I am very ashamed of, but that may have motivated the United players and swung the game in our favor. Chivas forward Adolfo Bautista (better known as "Bofo") is an excellent striker and a Mexican national team regular, but he wears a gay-assed headband during games, and also sports the number 100 on his shirt, which is also stupid. So, around minute 90, I yelled, at high volume, "Bofo, you're a twat!"

Now, "twat" is a very rude word, but I felt secure in yelling it, as we were surrounded by mostly Spanish-speaking Chivas fans. If they did know English, I highly doubt that their knowledge of swearing goes any further than the fuck-shit-asshole trinity. However, I followed up my curse with a gesture--not the middle finger, but the arm-thing that Italians do. As I yelled and gestured, a cute little girl in the row ahead of us looked back at me, and we made eye contact, and it really looked like I was cursing her out. Terrible. Thankfully, her parents didn't notice and I avoided an ass-whuppin'. After the final whistle, Dan was philosophical about the incident, saying, "somebody had to take it to the next level."

This is not the little girl I swore at, but she was at about this level of cuteness/innocence

That made me feel better, and as il fenomeno Luciano Emilio scored on a header from the free kick to tie things up in injury time, I have to say that I made the difference in this game. Unfortunately, I cannot make the trip to Guadalajara for the return leg, so I predict in my absence that DC won't be able to make it to the final round of this tournament. Oh well. After seeing that game, it's hard not to conclude that Chivas aren't the better team.

I'll rate this outing a 6.2 on the rock-o-meter. The elements brought the score down, as did the presence of so many disloyal Chivas fans, but I'm always up for professional sports, so there you are.


Potsy said...

Nice. But I think the fan-on-the-field may have had more to do with the equalizer than your twat exclamation. I can confirm the cuteness/innocense of the actual little girl as equal to that of the stock photo used. Hopefully she isn't scarred by your profanity, but I'll bet she ends up abusing drugs and selling her body for smack some day as a result of your foul mouth.

Jimbromski said...

That wasn't a stock photo, that was a Jimbromski original. I took it at the Red Bulls game we went to last season. All rights reserved.

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