Snivelling, Grovelling Apology

On the advice of my publicist, lawyer, and life coach, I am posting this picture to soften my image:

Self-righteous prick with cute puppy

Just yesterday I fired off a quick review of the Hold Steady/Art Brut/1990s show. I made some insulting comments about some people standing next to me. In retrospect it was pretty lame and I regret putting it out there. A few points--(1) the girl I made fun of is, in fact, pretty good looking. (2) The dude I made fun of was simply enjoying the show and I can't front on that. Well, I did front it, but there you go. A few points--Cristiano Ronaldo is an excellent midfielder. He costs 22 million pounds in my English Premier League Fantasy League and I can't afford him, and am thus in third place. Also, Brian Austin Green was one of the strongest characters on 90210, especially when he got hooked on meth and threw Donna down the stairs.

Finally, regarding the use of the word "supertwink", I have a snapshot of myself from back in the day wearing pointy black shoes from Le Chateau, a cardigan sweater, and thrift store shorts. I'll post it when I get back from Thanksgiving in CT. I was cold twinkin' before any of you--going to Tracks to dance to Erasure and the Communards, putting up giant Smiths posters in my room, spending way too much time fixing my hair, and acting all alienated. Sacklunch was just as bad--the first time I saw him in high school he was wearing a really long cardigan with a turtleneck, baggy pants, and some kind of beaded necklace. He looked like a 16-year-old version of Bea Arthur, or perhaps Luke Skywalker's gentle aunt in Star Wars, before the the Sandmen killed her. But I digress.

I make fun of people for all sorts of things here but I probably shouldn't make fun of how people look. I have bad skin, a receding hairline, perspire too much, don't wash my taint nearly as much as I should, and could stand to lose 10-15 pounds. So, in conclusion, my sincere apology to the two people standing next to me at the show.