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Friday, February 01, 2008

I Still Hate This Goddamn Song

I worked at Buffalo Billiards in Dupont Circle in the mid-90s. If you've ever worked anywhere that has a jukebox you'll know that no matter how good the songs on the jukebox are, if management doesn't rotate the CDs you'll hear a lot of the same songs over and over. And that will make you insane.

One song that was played relentlessly back in those days was "Cantaloop" by Us 3. Jesus, what an awful fucking song. I really hate "crossover" hip hop music. It's not crossover, it's "watered down to the point where it's acceptable to white people." Invariably, I would hear this stupid-assed song as much as three or four times a day.

And you haven't been in hell until you see a bunch of douche DC lawyers bobbing their heads soulfully to a shit song like "Cantaloop."

I have nothing against lawyers. I later worked at a law firm and found that most of the people there were fairly normal. But get them in a group, add alcohol, and fucking hell, you'll be reaching for the nearest blunt instrument, either to kill them, or to use on yourself. Add "Cantaloop" to the mix and it's enough to send anyone over the edge. Another favorite was Arrested Development's "Mr. Wendell," which also fucking blows.

I guess the Nazis were the same. Individually they may have been fun guys but get more than two of them together and suddenly they're occupying Krakow and they aren't leaving.

After I worked at Buffalo I was lucky enough to start bartending at Bedrock Billiards. As I no longer had a manager looking over my shoulder, the jukebox would often "break" during my shift and I would just put on one of my own CDs. The same thing would happen to the cappucino machine. I mean, really, what sort of asswipe goes to a poolhall and orders a cappucino?

Jesus, just thinking about all this puts me in a bad mood.

Anyway, "enjoy" Us 3:

12 comments:

sacklunch said...

Songs from the 90’s that I f—king can’t stand.

“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith

“All Star” by Smashmouth

“I’ll Be There For You” by The Rembrandts

“Fly” By Sugar Ray


Any others?

Jumbo Slice said...

"Don't Worry, Be Happy" always pisses me off. The Macarena was pretty awful as well.

However, there are some songs that I used to loathe that now amuse me. Like "MMM Bop" and "We Built This City".

Jimbromski said...

"Don't Speak", No Doubt

Jimbromski said...

"Cumbersome", 7 Mary 3.

For some reason I look at these guys as patient zero in the Nickelback/Puddle of Mudd epidemic that followed.

Super Zoe said...

It took an embarrassing sing-aloud moment about 5 years after the song came out to realize it was "Mr. Wendell" and not "Miss the Window." Stupid mumble-singers.

"Lightning Crashes" by Live bugs me now. So does "The Greatest Love All." The only pop classic that actually gives me a headache

Jimbromski said...

Missed the window, that's some LOL right there.

Whoops, violated policy

sacklunch said...

"Miss The Window". That is fucking great.

There was this woman I used to work with that thought the chorus for "Benny and the Jets" by Elton John was "Banging on the Desk".

"B-b-b-b-banging on the desk......

Kevin said...

"Waterfalls" by TLC

That song singlehandedly ruined my summer before 7th grade. However, the video did warn me about the dangers of unsafe sex, which is good, since I've discovered over the years that I only retain knowledge when taught to me by someone that sets fire to Andre Rison's house...

rick said...

7 Mary 3 was formed in Williamsburg and was first called Yukon Cornelius. They played for free in a bar and were so bad that we walked out. You know something sucks if you would rather be standing on Richmond Road with nowhere to go than be listening to free "music" in a bar. I have a feeling that if I heard "Cumbersome" in a bar now, I may have to walk out.

Ahh, Memories.

Jimbromski said...

I hated Rison until he played for the Raiders. Then I switched my hatred to Left Eye.

Dude, Rison's Wiki page is really funny:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andre_Rison

Re 7 Mary 3, I remember those guys. In their defense all the student bands at W&M sorta blew so they weren't significantly worse than their peer group.

KCG said...

I'm a lawyer and my head bobbed during this entire video. Thanks for the morning jam Jimbro.

Funky, funky. Biddy biddy bop.

KCG said...

Oh, and I hated anything by UB40 - it's like a reggae starter set for white people who don't smoke dope. That Red Red Whine song made me lunge for the radio to switch the station before that Teeth of England lead singer would start the first verse.