Long live rock, I need it every night

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Singing Drummers

Who's the best singing drummer of all time? Here are a few contenders:

(5) Dave Grohl (Nirvana/Foo Fighters): Harmonized with Cobain in Nirvana, to haunting effect. Check out "Dumb" on the MTV Unplugged in New York album. Reviled as a traitor to the singing drummer race for switching to guitar as frontman for the Foo Fighters.

(4) Don Henley (The Eagles): Laid it down on "Hotel California". Solo stuff was lame although "Boys of Summer" wasn't bad. Endless Eagles reunions hurting his legacy in the Singing Drummer Pantheon.

Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!

(3) Michael McGaughrin (1990s): Young buck. First singing drummer to win a lucrative endorsement deal from Payless Shoes. Promising start but needs to show the longevity of a Henley or Grohl to enter the Hall of Fame.

(2) Phil Collins (Genesis): The Jim Kelly of singing drummers--great stats, good win/loss record, but never won the big one. Peter Gabriel thought he was too big for Genesis but this Charlie Brown-lookalike took the group from success to success after Gabriel fucked off. Enjoy this video clip of him wrestling the Ultimate Warrior:

(1) Karen Carpenter (The Carpenters): The gold standard of singing drummers. Hid behind the drum kit because she thought she was fat. Her brother convinced her to move to the front of the stage, behind the mic. Little did he know he was creating a martyr: Our Lady Karen of the Perpetual Drumsticks.

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Make Me Hungry

Perhaps someday we'll see a singing drummer supergroup, with all the drummers drumming and singing simultaneously like a demented barbershop quartet. The bass player and guitarist would be forced to the rear of the stage and made to play their instruments while seated, lest they draw attention away from the singing drummers. Every song will have a 20 minute drum solo. Actually, I hate to brag, but it's a little known fact that I have an M.A. in New Testament Studies from Liberty University (fuck the Old Testament, bunch of drivel), and I'm fairly certain that, along with the appearance of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the formation of a Singing Drummer Supergroup is a sign that End of Days is upon us. If this actually happens, get right with God because the Rapture is right around the corner.

There you have it. Somewhere in America I'm sure there's a young boy or girl with a sweet voice and severe facial disfigurement or a fat ass. Will one of those kids will see this list and think, hmmm, maybe I should buy a drum kit? We can only hope.


Anonymous said...

You forgot the best--Peter Criss sang "Beth"!!
Oh, and:
--Levon Helm singing "The Weight"
--The guy from the Romantics who sang "What I Like About You"
--The woman in Yo La Tengo
George Starkey

Anonymous said...

Wow. I have heard of 4 of the 5 people on this list ( I still can't figure out who #3 is) and am so proud! Of course, I own one of those "lame" Don Henley CDs and I really liked it...who knew he was a drummer.

Totally knew that about KC, too. Did you also know that "We've Only Just Begun" was originally a bank commercial?! True.

Jimbromski said...

Rick--I was trying to focus on first stringers, not spot starters. Ringo and P Criss did contribute but they're more drummer than singer and thus cannot join this prestigious group.

Didn't know that about We've Only etc etc.

Unknown said...

What about Reter Rivera from the mighty "Rare Earth"?